With the lingering remnants of bronchitis, I have allowed myself to slip back into a reclusive status. It may not be the most healthiest in terms of social communications and friendships, however, this time is not that much of a bother to me.
When you get sick so often, it can become a challenge to keep up with all that is planned. There are times where we sickly individuals peak – not questioning for a second where the surge of energy came from – only to have it depleted just as quickly.
Finding the days ahead one continuous test of patience, will, and stamina.
Trying to prepare for the next big rush.
One big challenge for myself right now is keeping up with schoolwork. The feeling of failure comes and goes. I try to stick to my weekly/daily schedule and even with my agenda and goals laid out in blue ink, my lists continue to lengthen.
In the words my daughter seems to enjoy using as of late – “It’s Not Fair!”
But, that is life, right? It was never meant to be ‘fair’. It is meant to be lived…
Failure is not acceptable.
Failure does not seem like living.
I cannot pinpoint what it is that has handicapped my ability to concentrate and focus on one thing at a time (I am beginning to sense simple predisposition over IBD), but whatever the problem is, it is not helping with the move forward. I keep getting further behind because I start one task only to not finish it before another.
Such as reading.
When you have the ability to stay awake and be alone long enough, opening a book is more enjoyable than turning on the television.
In fact, lately my house has grown more quiet.
Along with reading up on Ulcerative Colitis, I continue to indulge in the world of Buddhism and True Crime.
True Crime is my number one category (to be expected from a horror junkie? hmm?) in the world of casual reading. Really, it falls in with the need to know everything.
Who? What? When? Where? WHY? All the common Ws. The one positive thing about holding interest in such books, is a lot are composed of subcategories and broken down into more chapters. So, once you leave off somewhere, a new tale begins.
As for Buddhism, I continue to skim through Amazon’s library (via the Kindle App). I often get lucky and come across books that are free. It may seem cheap of me for someone so interested in such a subject, but, when you are tight on money and not quite sure what you are really looking for, free is wonderful.
Like, Buddhism Made Easy.
It is regularly priced at $7.85 via Amazon Kindle, and I got it for free. Just by browsing. The book so far is not too terribly bad. As the first 6-7 chapters are spent repeating itself before getting to the point, the author still manages to keep me engaged.
My carousel is a growing collection of freebies and 99 cents-ers.
Being only on chapter 9 (page 26/121) of Buddhism Made Easy: Buddhism for Beginners and Busy People, I also have the following books opened and marked:
The Zen of Zombie: Better Living Through the Undead, page 73/263
The Angry Gut: Coping with Colitis & Crohn’s Disease, page 125/322
The Giant Book of Unsolved Crimes, page 150/567
Your Body Speaks Your Mind: Understand How Your Thoughts and Emotions Affect Your Health, page 87/245
With Spotify on and an incense burning, determination has rolled over me yet again.
It is time to roll up the hypothetical sleeves and bury myself deep in sentences and punctuation.
It is time to get this final over with, so I can move on to the next section of schoolwork.
It is time to be by my lonesome.
To push harder.
To release the anxiety.
To be peaceful.
May your Wednesday be grand 🙂
inflamed in the membranes 